Marriage Lessons We've Learned In 40 Years

1. Zero negativity

All criticism, even “constructive criticism” not only fails to get us what we want but it’s a form of self-abuse since the traits we criticize in our partners are often projections of unpleasant truths about ourselves.

2. Acknowledge and accept your partner

We all understand — at least on the surface — that our partner is a separate human being. But deep down we often see and treat him/her as extensions of ourselves.

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Identify activities that you engage in that become an escape from the day-to-day intimacy of the partnership.

3. Close all exits

4. Use sender responsibility when you talk

That means using “I” language, only. Avoid the word “you” unless you mean something positive. Own your experience by saying how you feel rather than blaming your partner.

5. Give and receive unconditionally

Offer gifts with no strings attached. The unconscious receives only unconditional gifts. It does not accept a “you rub my back and I’ll rub yours” attitude. Similarly, learn to accept gifts.

Make a list of high-energy activities you would like to do for fun with your partner. Write down as many ideas as you can think of that you are currently doing.

6. Increase your pleasure quotient

Flood your partner with compliments. On a regular basis, tell your partner what you love about him or her. Talk about his/her physical characteristics.

7. Practice positive flooding

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